Just had to have one of those talks with all my kids. The kind where you start off teaching the kids a lesson and realize you need a lesson too.
The mirror talk. The kind where you end up looking at yourself.
The kids “talk”…
1. Tell me why you are grateful for your siblings.
2. What do you like about your siblings?
3. How does your sibling benefit our family/team?
By the time it is over, they are all in agreement that the sibling should remain in our family. I was trying my hardest (not really) to get them to wonder what it would be like without their sibling. It is amazing how their view changes, when they realize how much they love their siblings, even though they are acting in a non-becoming way.
[callout]Sometimes perspective changes things.[/callout]
I almost put that as my Facebook post but then I realized it might be good for marriages too and I had a few things to learn too.
I see so much marriage bashing on Facebook.
It makes me utterly sad and disgusted. Especially from those who should know better.
Lately, my husband and I have really tried to focus on – get ready for this – us.
That. is. not. easy. but. so. very. hard.
We both work, volunteer, parent, and sometimes the marriage gets the back burner. Been there?
We have been married for over 16 years. A lot of our friends are experiencing empty nest.
Many of them (if they haven’t already) are getting divorced.
I don’t want my marriage to fail. It is not open for suggestion. We will both fight to keep our relationship kindled. Not just our marriage but our relationship. I think there is a difference. I see too many couples married but don’t have that spark like they did when they first saw each other.
Sometimes I wonder, no, I know it is pure selfishness that breeds discontent in any relationship.
But, where does it start?
I wonder if it is just a mind set that someone feels wronged. Or lets the enemy have a piece of the mind and then he is able to take over the entire body like a horrible deadly cancer.
Like our children.
Someone didn’t pick up their dirty towel. Then the person who’s job it is to clean the bathroom has an extra mundane duty. She/he now holds resentment. And then the tears of anger and not being able to play longer because their jobs are not completed in time.
Just last night, my hubby and I had an epiphany. He had told me something a while back that had kind of stung and hurt my feelings. I didn’t realize at the time why it had hurt.
He told me basically he wasn’t buying me jewelry anymore. (Not in a mean way, mind you. My hubby is anything but mean spirited. I don’t even wear much jewelry.)
He told me that my Mom could do the jewelry buying because she knows my taste more and here is the kicker – he couldn’t please me like her taste would. (In honesty, that was true.)
What we both figured out – was that he didn’t realize I wanted him to figure me out.
(Although, that is almost an impossible task. I don’t even know what I like!)
I wanted him to pursue me. I want him to know my likes. (Which do change frequently, bless his heart.) When he told me, maybe that we could go shopping together and figure out my likes – our entire marriage took a giant leap.
Let me clear this up – I don’t care if I ever have another piece of jewelry again. That was not the point. I just want my man, to pursue me. AND he wants me to pursue him, whether he realizes or not.
It is a give and give kind of relationship. I give. He gives. Regardless, of who gives first. I give just because I know he loves it. He gives because he loves me.
Neither one of us gives because we “deserve” it. Because in reality, we don’t deserve anything. But, we are in this marriage together. We both love each other. We decided a while ago, we are in this until death. It is a joy to be able to live this life with him by my side.
Thankful for the kids, that needed a talk today.
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Blessings to you! You are loved!