What kind of parent are you?

I’m definitely veering from the kitchen remodel at the moment.  No worries – it will definitely be back in full force next week.

Something that is on my mind lately – What kind of parents are in this world?

There is no such thing as a perfect parent!  This post is not about being getting the best parent or worst parent award.  It is just about provoking thought.

My hubs and I took have taken a few parenting classes having 5 children and all because we all need sound counsel.  Let me clarify something right up front, my hubs and I strive to be great parents with many (to our shame) failures.  Hopefully, with God’s Grace – our kids will not have to have to be in therapy in their adult lives for our weaknesses.  We also hope that our children will realize that we far from perfect and solely rely on the Lord’s Word for guidance.

In one particular class, Growing Kids God’s Way, they taught about each person having a certain parenting extremes.

The two types of extremes that were mentioned in this particular class were the permissive parent and the authoritarian parent.

“Parents brought up under unfair, restrictive, or even abusive methods often unknowingly move toward permissive parenting allowing their children to become self-centered.”

It was said that “permissive parenting” are more concerned about their kid’s feelings than their actions.

The “authoritarian parenting” might have had unhappy childhood resulting from permissive parenting.  These parents find their security is in control.

Both types are trying to change something from their past.  Something they didn’t like about their growing up experience.

It both causes a clash when personalities and parenting styles meet.

The permissive parent looks at the authoritarian parents and says “They are too strict.”  The authoritarian parent looks at the permissive parents and says “They are out of control…I do not want my children acting like that.”

Both styles do not focus on the heart.  How does one do that?   I’m learning.  My heart and the kids’ hearts.

Let me get on my soapbox for a second…

It doesn’t help when other parents look at your child and tell you what the child needs in front of your child.  Duh!

Get the log out of your own eye before you start poking at my splinter.

I don’t do well when someone tries to give me counsel for my children when their ways are borderline abuse (either from yelling, hitting in anger, or just ignoring or neglecting their children’s activities).

Yes, I said it.  If you have no idea what your child is doing on the internet or who are their friends or what things they have tried then it is neglect.

Checking the history on the computer is not enough.  That history can be erased easily.  I was taught how to do that in jr. high when computers were just becoming in school.  We were taught computer programming in 8th grade.

Let me say one more thing…I do take counsel.  I just think timing is missed most times.  When I have 5 kids in the checkout lane and no one has had lunch, little guy decides to open the tomato juice and pour it all over his head – it is probably not the best time to inform me about my lack of parenting skills.

I’m not mad at anyone or holding grudges.  I’m just sharing my inmost feelings.  There I feel much better now.

Back on a happier note…

My children are all different.  I can raise my tone to one and provoke tears.  I can punish until I’m blue in the face with another and still never hit any nerves.  (That child has me reading every parenting book known to man!)  Five children, 7 hearts, and lots of God’s Grace!

I used to be a perfect parent.  That was before I actually had children.  I thought I knew it all – about parenting.  In fact, I knew so much – I never wanted children.  They were a hassle.  They were dirty.  They were time-consuming.  They were not worth the trouble.  Well, I was right four out of five.

They are so worth the trouble.  (Yes, it can be trouble!)  They can interrupt a second honeymoon so fast, it will make your head spin.  Every time my hubs and I have tried to have a “vacation” trip away from the kids – something happens.  Are they still worth it?  EVERY MINUTE!

Children are the only thing that 2 people can produce that is eternal!  I love thinking that my children are going to spend their eternity with their maker one day.

I want to teach them lifetime lessons.  My parenting techniques fail sometimes.    In fact, there are some days I truly question if God meant to fill my womb with these children.  There surely had to be a better set of parents that could do such a better job at handling an A-type personality, a lion, an otter, a morning person, and artistic personalities.

I want to parent on purpose.  Sometimes it looks like I don’t.  But, I do.  I want moral children.  I want…I want…I want.

It is like going to the grocery store and having a list.  I want everything on my list.  But, I left my your purse in the car.  My purse holds the source that is going to pay for the items on your list.  Without the purse – my list is just wishful thinking written down!

I have so many things I want to be like as a parent – I need the source that is truly going to cover the debt.

My source is the Word of God and the guiding of the Holy Spirit.

Screaming at children, name calling, excessive physical punishment, anger, hostility, sarcasm, non-reasoning are not proper discipline and will not do as a source.

I like to think good parenting mocks the Ultimate Father.  He draws me with His loving-kindness and gentleness.  He does punish me and He does so in different ways and yet it is never with anger or malice.  I know He loves me and His character has proven Himself over and over.

I pray that even when I mess up, my character is proven at the end of the day or the end of my life.  It is an honor to be a parent to these kids.  A great honor!  I do not take this challenge half-heartily.  I chose this road.  I will parent on purpose!

Do you parent on purpose?  What is your greatest challenge as a parent?  If your kids have moved on to be parents, would you have done anything different and what is that one thing?

Blessings to you!  You are so loved! 

If you are a parent it is not by accident…God truly has a plan for you and your child(ren).  This post was not written to discourage you but just the opposite.  You are truly loved no matter what are the circumstances!